A Question Of Love
by Psycho Hippy
Summary: Sirius is brooding and James will find out why! RS
1. Chapter 1

**Title:**** A Question of Love**

**Pairings:**** JPLE, SBRL**

**Warnings:**** Slashy goodness! If you don't like, go away and leave us to enjoy it.**

**A/N:**** Written in Spain! Woot! Set whenever you like during the Marauders' school years.**

**Disclaimer:**** I would love to own them. I really would. Think of the millions I could make selling videos of Sirius and Remus…mmm…**

James burst into the dorm with all the grace of a herd of stampeding centaurs.

"Sirius!" he yelled, jumping onto the bed that contained his lump of a best friend. "Sirius!"

"What?" mumbled the lump irritably. James prodded it with his foot.

"Why are you in bed? It's the afternoon! And not just any afternoon! I have Quidditch in an hour and a half and you have to be there to spy on Lily to see what she says about me!" The lump made a noise that was cross between a groan and a gargle. James scowled and prodded it harder. This was no time for gargling.

"James, get off."

"Did you not hear me? It's nearly time to spy on Lily!"

"An hour and a half." The lump suddenly sat up, revealing a disgruntled Sirius who glared up at the intruder on his bed. "And what's the point anyway?" James rolled his eyes.

"I told you! To see what she says about me!"

"I mean, what's the point because we all know that the only thing she'll say is what an arrogant prick you are."

"Hey!" James scowled. "Only Lily's allowed to call me that." Sirius sighed and flopped back down onto his pillow, staring morosely at the ceiling. James eyed him. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." Sirius muttered. "Absolutely nothing."

"Do you take me for a fool? You're depressed about something and I demand to know what!" Sirius yanked the duvet, sending James tumbling to the floor, yelping.

"I am not depressed."

"Oh yes you are." James said from the floor, rubbing his head. "I don't think I've ever heard you say 'what's the point' unless you were depressed. You never need a point. Now confess!"

"It's stupid."

"Well then it can probably be easily resolved. Tell me!" Sirius just lay there, fidgeting with his duvet and looking melancholy. James was just contemplating trying a subtler tactic (sitting on him until he confessed) when his friend finally spoke.

"How do you know, James?" Well that was enlightening. Thank you Mr Padfoot.

"How do I know what, Sirius?" James asked in what he thought was a very patient tone. Sirius' fidgeting stilled and he moved his hands to lie on his stomach.

"How do you know that you love Lily?"

"How…wait, wait, wait!" James grinned delightedly. "Is Sirius Black having girl problems?" Sirius favoured him with a contemptuous look.

"No." he said. "That's just absurd."

"Well, I can dream." James sighed. "So then why ask about Lily?"

"Just answer the question."

"Well I don't know. I just do."

"But how?" Sirius sat up again and ran his fingers through his already messy hair. (How come when Sirius did that, it was sexy, but when he did it, it was conceited? No fair.) "What makes you so sure?" James just looked at him blankly.

"No other girl makes me feel like her. I never stop thinking about her. She's perfect."

"But what makes her so perfect? You say that, but why do you think so? What's so special about her that makes you want her so bad?" Sirius was becoming more and more agitated. "Why was it her that you fell for? And…just how do you know?"

James sat on the floor, all silliness gone. Sirius actually looked worried. This conversation was taking an emotional turn that made James feel more than a little uncomfortable.

"Well…she's beautiful."

"Why? Why do you think she's beautiful?"

"Merlin, what is this, Sirius?"

"Please! I just…I need to sort some stuff out in my head. Just answer." Sirius looked so desolate that James sighed. Weird emotional conversation, here we come!

"Okay…I love her hair. It's such an amazing colour, it makes her stand out from everyone else. Her eyes too. They're really sexy when she's angry, all flashing and wrathful like she could smite me down. Um…" James screwed up his nose in thought. Sirius was watching him anxiously. "Her skin looks really soft and pale, like silk. I reckon she has a soft side deep down. Er…she has these adorable freckles across her nose. She smells really good. And…I don't know."

"So…you don't think about her legs or her ass?" James rolled his eyes.

"Well duh! Of course I do! But I think about that on other girls too. It's all the other stuff that makes Lily special." For some reason, this just seemed to make Sirius even more upset.

"But that's it, right?" he asked with a desperate note in his voice, "You like her cos she's pretty?"

"She's not _pretty_." James scolded, wagging a finger. "She's divinely beautiful. And of course that's not the only reason I love her!"

"Of course." sighed Sirius, his shoulders slumping. "Why else then?"

"What's not to love?"

"Her temper?" Sirius said sarcastically. James shook his head.

"She's fiery. It's sexy. And she's so gorgeous when she's yelling."

"She's opinionated."

"She has a mind of her own! Better than some airhead who just agrees with everything you say."

"She's stubborn to the point of arrogance."

"That's because she's always right." Sirius shook his head in disgust.

"You're completely whipped!" James nodded happily, sporting a big goofy grin. Sirius bit his lip. "Okay. So what else? Anything specific?"

"Apart from the fact that she's clever, fun and gorgeous…I dunno. There are all these little things. Like that purple notebook she carries around. It's so cute."

"How could a notebook be cute?" Sirius said incredulously. James shrugged.

"She manages it. And when she twists her hair round her fingers when she's thinking. And reapplies her lip-gloss in Divination just to annoy the teacher. And the way her nose wrinkles when she doesn't want to do something. The little dimple in her cheek which she hates but I think is so unbearably cute. All kinds of stuff really." James paused, looking at his friend again. All of this talk had just made Sirius look even more upset.

"So…" he said, staring fixedly at his quilt. "You know you love someone when…when they look more beautiful than anyone else, in ways you didn't know people could be beautiful. And you can turn all their faults into good things. And…you notice things about them. Little things that make you like them even more." James nodded.

"Yeah. Pretty much." Sirius crumpled onto his bed again.

"Shit."

"What? Why? What's wrong?" Sirius pulled the covers over his head.

"Shit." James yanked the covers ferociously but Sirius remained resolutely bundled up.

"Sirius!" He pulled at the covers again, scowling. "You can't just ignore me after all that! What's wrong? Are you in love with someone?" There were some unintelligible mutters from under the covers. James got on the bed threateningly.

"Don't make me sit on your head. I will do it!" The covers were violently thrown off, causing James to hit the floor hard for a second time. Generously ignoring this, James stood to stare down sternly at Sirius, who glared up at him.

"You said it wasn't girl trouble."

"It's not." Sirius crossed his arms defensively, grey eyes mulish. James scoffed.

"All those questions about love and it's not about a girl? Don't be ridicu…" James trailed off, his eyes widening. Wait a second. Wait, wait, wait! Sirius sighed.

"Has the Knut dropped yet?"

"A boy?!" Sirius flushed a slight pink but didn't say anything. James gaped at him, his mouth opening and closing like a demented guppy. "But…but…you…ah…girls…a boy? A guy?" Sirius nodded, flushing harder. "Bloody hell. And you're in love with him?" Sirius moaned despairingly and clutched his head.

"I don't know! I thought…I thought it might just be a weird…thing. I didn't think…I mean, I don't like boys!" Sirius sat up, looking pleadingly at James, seeking reassurance. "Right? I like girls! I have to like girls! Not…"

"Sirius…" James said slowly. "If you like this guy the way I like Lily…then maybe you don't like girls." Sirius let out a kind of whine and put his head in his hands. James shifted uncomfortably.

"Look." he said nervously. "I'm no good at this sort of thing. Why don't you talk to Moony, I'm sure he'd…"

"I can't." Sirius' reply was muffled by his fingers. "I can't tell Remus." James frowned.

"Why not? You know he won't judge you, he never does, not even Snivellus."

"I can't tell him!"

"Sirius, he's way better at this than me! He's all understanding and good with people."

"I know." Sirius said, finally lifting his head to stare past James into thin air. "He's kind and understanding and gives wonderful advice. He's never makes you feel stupid or embarrassed and he gets me like no one else does." Sirius looked at James again, beseeching. "Which is exactly why I can't tell him." James looked back, comprehension dawning.

"Oh." he said quietly. Sirius sighed and looked away sadly. James watched him, mulling over this latest confession. In some strange way, it actually made a lot of sense. Remus was the only one that Sirius really listened to and seemed to respect. He was always the first one to visit Remus in the hospital wing and always bought the chocolate for him too. It explained why Sirius always acted especially stupid when Remus was working and went out of his way to try and distract him as much as possible. It also partially explained Sirius' dislike of Lily.

James suddenly thought back to an incident a couple of weeks ago. Snivellus had made some cutting remark about Remus and his scars plus lack of girlfriend. Sirius had snarled something back (getting unusually worked up, James now thought). Once Snivellus had continued on his slimy way, Sirius had turned to Remus.

"Don't listen to him, Moons. He's a bastard." Remus shook his head, smiling sadly.

"It's alright, Sirius. I already know I'm undateable." The usual self-deprecating reply. But he remembered clearly Sirius shooting Remus an incredibly intense look. James had thought it odd but dismissed it as Sirius being his typical, strange self. Now, as he looked back upon it, he realised that the look had been one of total longing.

Wow. Poor Sirius. James patted his friend awkwardly on the shoulder.

"Look, mate, I'm sorry I'm not good at this. But…are you sure you like him that much?" Sirius sighed and held up three fingers.

"One. Think they're more beautiful than anyone else ever. His scars are incredible. And his hair is soft and all these different shades of gold. And his eyes are just amazing. Check." he lowered a finger.

"Two. Turn his faults into good things. He studies too much but that's because his hugely clever brain needs the exercise. He practically eats books but then he wouldn't know all kinds of random cool stuff. And he can be overly serious about rules but that just makes it more fun getting him to break them. And he also happens to look really sexy when he goes into prefect-mode. So check." he lowered another finger.

"Three. Notice random stuff about him. He bites his lip when he's worried. That smirk he has when he's feeling mischievous. How he tries so hard not to laugh when we're being idiots. How his fingers are always ink stained. His exasperated looks when I'm trying to distract him. Check." he lowered the last finger. "It's official."

"Wow." James said, amazed. "You really do love him." Sirius nodded glumly. James, on the other hand, grinned hugely. "Well then, that settles it!" Sirius looked at him, startled.

"What?"

"Since you have been such a great help in my attempts to win the magnificent goddess that is Lily Evans, I feel it is my duty as a best mate to aid you in your quest to woo our wolfie friend." Sirius shook his head.

"There is no quest."

"What? No quest?"

"He likes girls."

"Nonsense." James said briskly. "If Remus is straight, I'm a banana tree. I mean, he's never looked at porn, ever. Even you've looked and you're not straight." Seeing Sirius still looked doubtful, James added. "Besides you never know until you try." Sirius paused then smiled gratefully.

"Thanks."

"No problem. Now stop moping and get your butt out of bed! I want the normal Sirius back!" Sirius laughed and swung his legs onto the floor. He crossed over to the mirror and began fixing his hair and straightening his clothes. James came up behind him and slapped his back, grinning.

"That's more like it! Now, if you spy on Lily during Quidditch, I'll lend you my cloak so you can spy on Remus' study group thing tomorrow, okay?" Sirius beamed at him in the mirror.

"Deal! Come on then, Prongsie lad! Off to the pitch we go!"

Well, thought James as he bounded down the stairs after his exuberant friend, one thing's for sure. He would never be able to look at Remus the same way again. Sexy prefect-mode? Ew…

**Ramble Time:**** Mmm…Remus is a sexy prefect. Not much to say actually. Hmm. That's odd. Ah well. Thanks for reading! Love xxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Title:**** A Question of Love**

**Pairings:**** JPLE, SBRL**

**Warnings:**** Boy-on-boy love. If you object, go away and watch lots of slashy videos until you know better.**

**A/N:**** I got asked to do a sequel! Which I don't normally do but people asked so nicely (and stroked my ego a little bit) so here you go!**

**Disclaimer:**** I can only dream about owning them.**

"James!" The messy-haired boy was disturbed from his work by his best friend flopping down on the sofa. He immediately dropped his quill and shoved his essay away. It could wait.

"Yes, Padfoot?" James asked. Sirius sighed and pouted.

"You're not holding up your end of our bargain!" he complained. "You said you'd help me get…you-know-who."

"I have!" James protested, sitting up straight, determined to defend his honour. "I lent you my Cloak!"

"Oh yes." Sirius rolled his eyes "So I could spy on…the person _studying_. I can watch h…them do that any day! I need a plan!"

"A plan?" James perked up. "What sort of plan?"

"A seducing plan! Wait…" Sirius suddenly seemed to realise who he was talking to. "You're going to get me hexed, aren't you?" James just grinned.

"Would I do such a thing?"

"Yes. And even if you didn't do it deliberately…"

"Nonsense!" James cut him off. "Just get him flowers and read him a poem and he will be yours!"

"Flowers?" spluttered Sirius, looking at James as though he had suggested giving Remus vicious finger-eating plants. "He's not a _girl_! I can't give him flowers!"

"Yeah but he loves all that romantic stuff right? I mean…" James suddenly trailed off, glancing round the room with wide eyes. Sirius suddenly felt the prickle on his neck that told him he was being watched. He swivelled his head to find practically every single pair of eyes on the common room focussed on him. A couple of the girls' mouths had dropped open. The silence stretched on, only broken by a small sniffle from one of the far corners.

Suddenly the spell was broken by the portrait hole swinging open. Remus Lupin stepped into the common room and, noticing the strange silence, stopped and looked questioningly at his friends.

"Guys?" Sirius opened his mouth to try and explain using a wonderfully witty and believable excuse, but all that came out of his mouth was,

"Ngerk." There was a brief pause. Remus raised an eyebrow.

"Well, hello to you too Sirius." Sirius could feel his face flushing and turned desperately to James, pleading with his eyes to save him. Unfortunately James seemed, for once in his life, to be completely unable to think in his feet.

"Um…Remus! What a surprise!" Remus' eyebrow rose higher.

"A surprise to see me in my own common room?"

"Er…well…" James' eyes flicked quickly over at Sirius, who was turning an unattractive shade of maroon. "We were just talking about…about…"

"About what, James?"

"Er…" Remus seemed blissfully unaware that the entire common room was watching their conversation with intense interest.

"What's wrong with Sirius?"

"Nothing!" James said hurriedly, "Nothing's wrong with Sirius! He, um…he's just…purple."

"He's purple?"

"Well, it's a sort of reddish purple really…" Sirius glared at James, who continued quickly, "But anyway, Remus, where have you been?"

"Library. Where else?" Remus said with a wry smile. "Are you sure Sirius is okay?"

"Yep! Fine! No worries! None whatsoever! In fact, er…we were just going upstairs to um…talk about…things…plotting to do, people to prank." James laughed nervously and seized his reddish-purple friend by the arm, dragging him up to the dorm before Remus could protest.

Meanwhile, in the corner, a small group of girls had watched the whole scene with identical grins of unbridled joy on their faces. One of them turned to her friend and whispered,

"I told you he was gay!"

"I can't believe it!" her friend whispered back, "That's so cute! And he has a crush on Remus!"

"I know! Did you see how embarrassed he was?"

"Adorable!" Another of the girls joined in the conversation.

"I bet Remus is gay too, you know."

"Well, of course he is! I mean, he's never had a girlfriend…"

"They would make such a cute couple!"

"I can't wait to tell Daisy…"

Rumours spread quickly round Hogwarts, especially within the community of the slash fangirls, and especially when it concerned one Sirius Black. Sirius suddenly found that girls stopped coming up to him and flirting, instead huddling in little groups that watched him with wide eyes as he walked by and whispered frantically. Not that he didn't relish the sudden absence of irritating girls in his life, excluding Evans who seemed to be everywhere that Remus was, _all the time,_ and with that smug little smile on her face.

Remus on the other hand, was not used to this sort of attention. It unnerved him to have girls watching his every move and even sometimes listening in on his conversations with his friends. Everywhere he went it seemed there were more of them. Just this morning, he leant over to borrow some of Sirius' ink and had glanced up to see the entire female half of the class staring. It didn't exactly put him in the best of moods.

"Hey Remie." Remus didn't lift his head from his book, nor did the frown leave his face. Sirius felt his spirits sink a little but he flopped down next to the werewolf nonetheless and fixed a cheeky grin on his face, lounging with his head on the other boy's shoulder. Remus twitched.

"Get off, Sirius." Sirius pouted, trying to cover up the hurt he felt at the shark remark.

"So cruel, Remus." But he complied and shuffled over, putting a bit more distance between him and the object of his affections, who kept his eyes firmly fastened on the words before him. Sirius watched him in silence for a bit. Had he done something wrong?

"Um…Remus? What's wrong?" Remus shut his book with a snap.

"Nothing." he muttered, glancing round the common room and finding that people were still watching him. Dammit.

"Are you sure?" Remus finally met Sirius' eyes and felt a slight pang of guilt when he saw the poorly concealed worry there.

"I'm fine, Siri, really. Just…tired."

"If you say so…" Sirius said slowly. "Hey, I know. Why don't we go down to the kitchens and find something chocolaty and gooey to cheer you up?" Remus felt a small smile curving his lips up.

"Yeah…thanks Sirius." The dark haired boy beamed and jumped up.

"No problems! Come on, Moonykins!" Remus' smile grew and he stood, placing his book on the table.

"Moonykins? What kind of a name is that?"

"It's inspired! Genius I tell you!"

"It sounds like something you'd call a hyperactive puppy. So much more suited to you."

"Oi! I am no puppy! I'm a big, strong, manly dog!"

"Can dogs be manly?" The portrait door swung slowly shut behind them and, almost immediately, excited whispers broke out from the various groups of girls scattered around the common room.

"Aren't they cute?"

"I know! Did you see how Sirius cheered him right up?"

"Yeah but when he put his head on his shoulder, Remus told him to get off…"

"Well, maybe he was just in a bad mood." Frank Longbottom rolled his eyes at his girlfriend, Alice, who had made this last comment.

"You girls are obsessed." The group of girls shared a giddy grin and Frank made a face. "I don't understand it. Why are you so interested in them?"

"Because they're so cute together!" Frank raised an eyebrow and Alice conceded, "And gay guys are hot."

"What?! Hot?"

"Yeah!" A couple of the boys looked slightly disturbed.

"Gay guys are…hot?"

"Like lesbians are for guys, gays are for girls." Lily informed them with a smirk. "I could watch those two all day." The girls all murmured agreement.

"Sirius so obviously likes him…"

"I know, but Remus didn't seem to feel the same way."

"Don't be silly, no one can resist Sirius!" The guys shared a couple of disbelieving looks and promptly tuned out of the conversation.

"But what if Remus doesn't realise that Sirius likes him?"

"It's so obvious!"

"But boys can be quite unobservant…and Remus hasn't exactly had a lot of _experience_ if you know what I mean…"

"So?"

"So he might not know what signs to look for."

"True…"

"What if we gave them a helping hand?"

"Oooh matchmaking!"

"Um…ladies?" Frank protested weakly, "Are you sure Sirius wants your help?" The girls ignored him and huddled closer together to discuss the particulars of Operation Black Attack. He took one look at the determined glints in their eyes and shuddered. Sirius had no idea what he was in for…

**Ramble Time:**** I know it's short…but I've had this bitch of a writer's block with me for months…and it's just not shifting!! I actually have one more chapter planned…and I will try and get it done…then it really will end! But how…waves hands mysteriously keep reading for the boy-love! Mwah xxx**


	3. Chapter 3

Title:

**Title:**** A Question of Love**

**Pairings:**** JPLE, SBRL**

**Warnings:**** Boy-on-boy love. If you object, go away and watch lots of slashy videos until you know better.**

**A/N:**** Oh God, this was an effort…I'm so sorry it took so long!**

**Disclaimer:**** I can only dream about owning them.**

The word spread quickly about Operation Black Attack. Soon, nearly all of the girls in school were attempting to give Sirius a helping hand in his quest to win over his bookish friend. Some of these girls were subtle. Others were not so subtle.

"Hey Black…when was the last time you had a girlfriend?" Sirius fumbled with his fork and it fell to the table with a clatter. He snatched it back up quickly, glaring at the smirking girl before him.

"Why do you care, Evans? Interested?" he flashed a charming grin "Sorry darling but you're not my type."

"As if." Lily snorted. "I was just wondering, that's all. I mean…did something happen that's made you go off the girls?" Sirius flushed slightly.

"Mind your own business." he snapped, too caught up in his embarrassment to notice that everyone around him, including Remus, was listening intently. Lily raised her hands.

"Calm down, it was just a question…"

"Well keep your questions to yourself in future." Sirius firmly turned his back on her and returned to his pudding. Lily rolled her eyes and strolled leisurely out of the Great Hall with a huge grin on her face. Now the seed of doubt had been planted, it was up to her to nurture it and help it grow…with a little help from her friends.

"Hi Remus!" The boy looked up from his work and smiled tiredly at the girl.

"Hi Dorcas." The blonde girl smiled and slid into the seat next to him.

"What are you reading?" she leant towards him to look over his shoulder, her hair brushing lightly against his arm. Remus didn't seem to notice.

"It's called 'Suite Française' by Irene Nemirovsky." he replied, glancing at her. "Heard of it?" Dorcas shook her head.

"It's in French." she noted, sounding interested. "Do you speak it fluently then?" Remus nodded.

"My family is French."

"Why don't you go to Beauxbatons then?"

"My dad went here." Remus said smoothly, "And he won the argument with my mother over which school was better." Dorcas smiled.

"I'm glad." she shifted a little closer. "What's it about then? The book?" Remus looked at her, slightly surprised.

"You're actually interested in it?" Dorcas nodded, smiling brightly.

"I'm afraid I don't speak very good French but I've always wanted to learn…maybe you could teach me?" she tilted her head charmingly. Remus shrugged.

"If you really want me to, I suppose I could." Dorcas beamed.

"Thanks! When can we start?"

"Well…how about in the library later tonight? I don't think I've got any major work to finish…is that alright with you?"

"I can't wait." Dorcas replied, and then stood up. "See you tonight, Remus." The boy didn't seem to catch the flirtatious undertone as he simply smiled bemusedly and returned to his book.

Dorcas sauntered across the common room and winked at Lily. The red haired girl smirked back. Closing her book carefully, she sidled over to where Remus was sitting and slid into the seat beside him.

"Hey Remus," she said, fixing a sympathetic look on her face, "I saw Dorcas talking to you." Remus looked up distractedly,

"Hmm? Oh yeah, she was asking about my book. She wants me to teach her French." Remus shrugged and made as if to return to the pages in front of him but Lily cut him off swiftly.

"I'm sorry, Remus, she obviously doesn't realise about you." Remus gave her an odd look.

"What?" His expression grew nervous. "Realise what about me?"

"That you're gay!" There was a long silence where Remus sat, frozen, staring horrified at Lily, who just blinked innocently back at him. Finally Remus cleared his throat.

"Um…what?"

"Oh don't worry!" Lily said smiling. "I don't mind, and neither do the rest of the girls."

"The…rest of the girls?" Remus seemed incapable of forming a sentence. "But…I…you think…what?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Don't look so shocked, Remus." she said briskly, "It's quite a well known fact. You didn't think it was a secret did you? I mean, you're not amazingly discreet." Remus just stared, aghast.

"Dis…discreet?"

"Well you've never had a girlfriend. And we see the way you look at a certain someone." Lily winked.

"I'm not gay!" Remus suddenly found his voice. "What certain someone? I don't…I like girls!"

"Oh. I see." Remus looked suspiciously at Lily's sympathetic face. "The guys don't know, do they?"

"Know…Lily, I'm serious!"

"Oh I bet you are."

"What are you talking about? I like girls! I mean it!"

"What…really?" Lily looked slightly less sure of herself.

"Yes really." Remus snapped. "What in the name of Merlin made you think I was?"

"Well…oh never mind." Lily had the good grace to blush. "I'm sorry Remus."

"No, don't you never mind me! What made you think I was gay? And what certain someone were you talking about?"

"It doesn't matter." Lily stood up swiftly and flashed him a smile, "It's obviously not what I thought anyway so no worries!"

"Wait, Lily!"

"Have to go now, Remus! Essays to write, Potter to yell at…" Remus scowled at her retreating back. Some of the ideas that girl got into her head really were quite absurd. And once Lily got hold of an idea she just wouldn't let it go. Still…what someone had she been talking about? Did everyone think that he was infatuated with a boy? Lily had said that it wasn't a secret…

Remus glanced nervously round the common room and stood up. Time to retreat to the dorm…

"REMUS!" Or not, as the case may be. Sirius shot down the stairs and enveloped him in a huge bear hug, grinning manically. "Me and Jamie have a brilliant plan!"

"What sort of brilliant plan?" Remus asked suspiciously. "One that involves mayhem and possible detentions?"

"Well yeah. What other kind of brilliant plan is there?" Sirius grabbed his wrist and dragged him upstairs. "Come on, we'll tell you about it!"

Remus sighed as they reached the dorm. "Sirius, I'm not really in the mood for plans right now."

Sirius stopped short and stared at him in disbelief. "Not in the mood for plans? Who died?"

"No one died, Sirius." Remus said, a little irritated. "I just had a really weird talk with Lily and I just want to curl up with my book." He pushed past the dark haired boy into the dorm and strode purposefully towards his bed. Sirius followed him, pouting.

"What kind of weird talk? Surely evil plans would make you feel better?" Sirius shared a confused look with James who was sat in the middle of the dorm with a quill and a piece of parchment – the makings of the aforementioned brilliant plan.

"She just came up to me and started spouting a load of nonsense about 'everyone knowing' and it being 'fine'. Turns out she and the rest of the year are under the impression that I'm gay."

The effect of these words on his dorm mates were instant and not at all what Remus had expected. He had thought they would burst into laughter at the ridiculousness of the idea and tease him mercilessly for about half an hour, while agreeing that Lily had some seriously mental ideas. What actually happened was that Sirius went reddish-purple again and stared at him with wide eyes, while James twitched violently and said in a very forced calm voice,

"And you're…not gay?" Remus stared incredulously at him.

"Of course I'm not!" he said, annoyed. "Why on earth does everyone seem to think so?"

"Um." James glanced nervously at Sirius, whose colour had faded right back to its usual pale state and was staring hard at the floor. "Well…it's not that we thought you were…more that…we weren't sure that you weren't. Cause you know…" He looked back at Remus' face and trailed off weakly.

"I am not gay." Remus said firmly, not noticing Sirius flinch. "I never have been and I never will be. I like girls. Not boys. Girls. I'm not-"

"Alright, we get it." Sirius snapped. Remus looked at him surprised.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing." Sirius muttered. He stood glaring at the floor for a couple of seconds before stalking out the door. "I'm going to the kitchens."

James jumped up. "I'll join you." Sirius glared at him and said venomously,

"No you won't." The door slammed behind him and Remus looked at James, confused.

"He was fine a second ago. What did I do?" James rubbed the bridge of his nose where his glasses lay and looked uncomfortably at Remus.

"I can't really tell you." he mumbled. "Sorry."

"Oh." Remus felt slightly put out. Not that he minded them keeping secrets from him. It just felt a bit…strange. "It's fine. Don't worry about it."

Sirius sat in the kitchens, moodily sipping his hot coffee. He knew that he'd be up all night now, because of the caffeine…but then again that meant he wouldn't have to dream about Remus only to wake up remembering that he definitely wasn't gay. That he never has been and he never will be. That he liked girls not boys.

Remus' words ran over and over in his head, hurting just as much each time. You've got no chance you silly pouf. He likes girls not boys. Never has been, never will be. Not gay.

For a while he had actually managed to convince himself that he had a chance. When James had said…

Sirius scowled into his coffee. He really should have known better than to trust James on matters like this. But he had just been so desperate, hoping so badly for the tiniest flicker of a chance that Remus might like him back, that when James had started blabbing on, he let himself believe it. Which really just showed what an idiot he was. Completely in love with a straight boy. Who was not gay. Never has been, never will be…

The girls watched Sirius storm out of the common room with a huge black mood hovering over him like a bomb waiting to explode on anyone who dared look at him.

"Oh dear."

"Not quite according to plan…" Lily sighed. "I guess Remus must have told him about what I said. I didn't think Remus would go and blab about it…"

"So do you think Remus is straight then?"

"I don't know…"

"Don't be silly! He's never even looked at a girl! And you've seen the way those two talk to each other!"

"Even so…"

"I think it's time to take more drastic action." The girls looked at Lily and the evil grin that was now spreading across her face.

"You've got an idea?"

"I think so…"

**Ramble Time:**** I know I haven't updated since…a long time ago. Please bear with me. I do still love writing fanfiction and I plan to continue this story (yeah there's gonna be more chapters…sorry!) but I do have a lot of work. But just to say sorry, I've done another story too! And…I would offer you cookies if I had any. Because I love you all that much. xxx**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title:**** A Question of Love**

**Pairings:**** JPLE, SBRL**

**Warnings:**** Slashy goodness! You know you want some ;)**

**A/N:**** Look! Not as long a break as last time!! I'm getting better! (Please don't hurt me…) Plus, just in case it's not clear, **_**italics**_** means thoughts.**

**Disclaimer:**** Oh how I wish I owned them… -sob-**

"Hey Sirius! Sirius, wait up!"

_Oh Merlin. It's him. Right, just act normal. He's straight. He's never going to want you. So you're going to get over him. Starting as soon as you turn around._

"Hey Remie."

_Oh shit._

Sirius made a huge effort to keep the casual smile on his face as Remus caught up with him, panting slightly.

_Can I make you pant like that? Please let me try._

"Well that's my exercise for the week done." Remus commented, a slight pink tinge to his face. "Going to lunch?"

_Don't smile at me like that. Now I want to kiss the smile right off your face. And then your neck. And then…_

"Indeed I am! And Mr Moony do me the pleasure of accompanying me?" Remus chuckled and Sirius felt a warm glow in his chest that slightly eased the painful ache that had been there since last night.

_Don't think about last night. Just think about now._

On impulse Sirius threw his arm round Remus' shoulders.

_Oh, he's warm…_

"Mr Moony would be delighted to accompany Mr Padfoot." Remus smiled and shifted his bag so it sat more comfortably on his shoulder. "Shall we?"

On the way to lunch, Sirius chattered about anything and everything. Anything to keep from thinking about Remus' words last night. At lunch they met up with James and Peter and talked and joked throughout the meal, without any uncomfortable silences. It seemed as though everyone was happy to act like it had never happened.

"Well it seems like you've cheered up since last night."

_Damn Remus and his stupid amazing memory._

"Er…yeah. Sorry about that."

_Please just leave it._

"What was wrong with you?" In the tense atmosphere, even James didn't notice Lily and a few of her friends listening intently.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Remus frowned. "It didn't seem like nothing."

"Well it was." Sirius shifted uneasily in his seat. "I was just in a bad mood, that's all."

"But you were all happy and plotting before."

"Look just drop it, okay?" Sirius snapped, his temper and nerves getting the better of him. There followed a very awkward pause.

"Fine." Remus said softly. James sent Sirius a look, which didn't help his mood at all. With a growl, he stood up from the table and stalked off back to the tower. Trust Remus to ruin a perfectly good lunch with his infuriatingly adorable concern. Merlin, he loved that boy.

_But he doesn't love you. Never will._

Back at the table, the awkward pause seemed to stretch on and on.

"Why is always me that seems to upset him?" Remus asked finally. James shrugged.

"He cares what you think."

"He cares what you think too." James made a non-committal noise and returned to his chips. Remus sighed and poked at his lunch half-heartedly.

"Maybe I should go and talk to him."

"No, mate, just leave him." James said, shaking his head. "I reckon he wants to be on his own for a bit. Whatever's bothering him, I'm sure he'll tell you…eventually." He muttered the last word so that Remus almost didn't hear him. Remus sighed and stared sadly at the doors of the Great Hall.

He really hated it when Sirius acted like this. He always had no idea what to say but still felt an overwhelming urge to do something, anything to fix it. Everyone knew Sirius had a ferocious temper, but it was always short-lived and explosive. It unnerved Remus to see Sirius brooding and evasive. He normally only ever acted like that when it concerned his family.

Oh.

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it something to do with his family?"

"No Moony," James sighed, "Look seriously mate, don't worry about it. I'll talk to him later if you want."

"But you're not the one he's upset with." Remus muttered. James resisted the urge to sigh again. Sirius really didn't make it any easier on himself. Then again, Remus didn't exactly help by being totally oblivious. They really were an impossible pair.

* * *

"I never thought I'd say this but…poor Sirius." Lily watched the dark haired boy storm out of the Great Hall, clearly extremely upset.

"He needs to sort out that temper of his."

"Oh come on Alice! Can you really blame him for being on edge? He still thinks Remus is straight, remember?"

"Unfortunately, Remus also still thinks he's straight."

"Um…guys?" Frank put in cautiously, "Ever think that Remus might actually _be_ straight?" The girls ignored him.

"We need to move fast, Lily. I know you hate him but I think you should talk to James as soon as possible."

"Remind me why _I_ have to do it again?" Lily said, slightly irritated.

"Because if he worships and it will be easy for you to get him to do what you want."

Lily sighed and glared at Potter who was still stuffing his face. If it was anyone but Sirius and Remus, she would have refused outright. But they were so…perfect.

"Fine. I suppose I had better get it over with." Lily stood up and made her way over to Potter, stopping just behind his shoulder and clearing her throat.

If she hadn't been dreading the conversation to come, she would have found Potter's incredulous shock quite funny. Although the half chewed mush visible in his open mouth wasn't exactly appetising.

"Potter. I need to speak to you." James didn't seem to be capable of moving. Even Remus was staring at her as though she'd suddenly grown giant orange tentacles.

"You…what?"

"Don't get any ideas, Potter. This is not an invitation to be friends. I just need to speak to you about something." James just kept on staring at her. Lily made an impatient noise, grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of the Great Hall, leaving Remus and Peter staring stupidly after them. Really, it wasn't _that_ strange that she wanted to talk to Potter. Sure, generally she hated him and would rather stab herself with a rusty fork than spend time with the arrogant idiot but occasionally he was almost tolerable. This just happened to be one of those occasions.

"You know, if this were my imagination, now would be about the time when you beg me to ravish you."

And then he opens his mouth and suddenly the rusty fork option has reappeared.

"Well this isn't your imagination and there will be no ravishing whatsoever." Lily snapped, stopping when she thought they were far enough away from the hall to talk without being interrupted. "This is purely business, Potter."

"I can dream." James leant against the wall and grinning charismatically at her. "So, if not ravishing, what was it you wanted to chat with me about then?"

"Remus and Sirius." Lily was pleased to see James' face fall into a guarded expression. So even a monkey like him had noticed the way they looked at each other.

"What about them?" James said carefully. Time to break out the charm.

Lily smiled and blinked innocently.

"I just wanted to know why Sirius was so upset this morning. I mean those two are such _good_ friends…the girls are worried that they've had a fall-out over something." James had clearly noticed the implied meaning behind her words and was now shifting uncomfortably.

"It's nothing serious…they're just…um…Sirius is just a bit on edge at the moment."

"Why?"

"He…er…" Lily grinned inwardly as she watched the cogs in James' mind whirring frantically. "He's just…"

"If it's private then you don't _have_ to tell me…" James looked relieved but then Lily added, "We were just worried because…well…those two are so _close_."

James stared at her, wide-eyed, before blurting out,

"Just stop it!"

"Stop what?"

"All the…just say it outright and stop trying to play games!"

"Are they gay?"

James blinked.

"Wow. I didn't think you actually would." Lily raised an eyebrow and waited. James sighed and slumped against the wall.

"If Sirius finds out that I told you…"

"You didn't tell me. I guessed. So they actually are gay, then?"

"Kind of."

"Kind of?" James winced and hesitated.

"Well…Sirius is. But Remus says that he isn't. Which upset Sirius a lot. And now Remus is bugging Sirius to tell him why he's upset, but Sirius can't tell him without admitting that he's in love with Remus which makes Remus upset which upsets Sirius even more and it just gets worse and worse and then I have to deal with Sirius' moping and Remus' sulking and I don't know what to do!" James stared helplessly at Lily after this outburst.

"Are you asking me for help?" Lily said, not quite able to quench the feeling of glee that rose up inside her. The great James Potter, actually asking for help! "Are you sure you're going to be able to cope with lowering yourself to asking help from a girl?"

"Um. Yes. Normally I'd ask Remus or Sirius but, obviously I can't, so I'm asking you. Please?"

This was getting weird. Potter had said please. And asked her nicely, albeit slight desperately. In a minute he was going to start acting like a human with a normal ego.

"Alright, Potter, I'll help you. I kind of had a plan anyway."

"You did?" Potter looked hopeful, "You're going to help me?"

"Just this once!" Lily said, annoyed. "This doesn't mean we're friends." This didn't do anything to crush Potter's obvious joy and Lily felt her stomach sink. What the hell had she gotten herself into?

"So what's the plan?"

Remember, she told herself, you're doing this for Remus.

"Well, the main problem seems to be that Remus won't admit he's gay. So our main objective is to get him to realise that he likes boys, not girls."

"How do we do that?"

"Here's what we're going to do…"

**Ramble Time:**** Okay, this fic looks like it's going to be a lot longer than I expected. It was only supposed to be a one-shot! But it seems like I've got myself a multi-chaptered fic on my hands. I will warn you now. Updates will be slow. But I will finish it eventually! Promise. Love xxx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Update? What?? O_O I'm alive!!**

**You know the jazz by now.**

Sirius strode angrily towards the Forbidden Forest, fuming at Remus for being such a stupid, nosey, stubborn, utterly adorable bastard. Why did have to nag and pry like that? Sirius thought he had made it quite obvious that he did not want to talk about what was bothering him. Was Remus so damn oblivious that he didn't even notice?

No, that wasn't it. The truth was, if it had been anything else, anything else in the world, Sirius would have told him about it. He told Remus everything. Everything except this…and now Remus was probably hurt and confused and it was all Sirius' fault. Sometimes he really hated himself.

Scowling furiously, he pushed his way through the undergrowth until he was little way into the forest. Then he threw himself down beside a tree and fumbled in his pocket for his cigarettes. He was trying to quit. Remus didn't like it when he smoked.

_I really am whipped…and he's not even with me. He doesn't even like me like that and I still follow his every command like a little duckling._

Sirius huffed and lit the cigarette. Right now, he really didn't care whether Remus got mad at him or not. Screw Remus.

_Yeah I wish…_

…

"Are you sure about this?" James asked cautiously. Lily shot him a look and he flinched slightly.

"What do you mean am I sure?" she said sharply, "Of course I'm sure! What's wrong with it?"

"Well…it just seems…a bit wrong."

"This is not the time for you to discover your conscience, Potter. Just do as I say. Do you want to help Sirius or not?"

"Well yeah but…I dunno. It just seems like we're tricking Remus into it. I don't think Sirius would be very happy if he found out."

"Of course he'll be happy, idiot. We're getting Remus to fall in love with him!"

"But–"

"Just shut up and follow me."

"Fine…" James decided it was best not to argue. After all, Lily was scary when she was on the rampage. And for some reason, it looked like she had taken up Remus and Sirius as her latest project. Girls were weird. Especially when it came to gay guys.

Lily's plan was quite simple really. She had done some research and discovered a hypnotising spell. What she wanted to do was, with James' help, hypnotise Remus into believing that he was gay. Then he would fall for Sirius because, honestly, every living being who had any remote interest in the male species would inevitably fall slightly in love with Sirius. And since Sirius loved him back, everything would fall perfectly into place. Genius.

"But Lily…"

"What?" Lily whirled round, placing her hands on her hips, now looking severely pissed off. James flinched slightly but ploughed on like a true Gryffindor.

"How long does the spell last? Won't it wear off eventually?"

"So we have to renew it every so often." Lily brushed off his remark. "No problem."

James decided she was a lost cause. Clearly he was going to have to go along with this plan or lose any chance he had at getting Lily to help him with the Sirius and Remus problem. Besides, if he was there, he might be able to curb any of Lily's crazier ideas. He figured they had to draw the line somewhere.

He followed her all the way into the back of the library and watched her run her fingers along a row of books.

"It's right…here." She plucked a particularly dusty tome from the shelves and flicked open the pages. James resisted the urge to wrinkle his nose in disgust. He didn't like the library. It was so…bookish.

"So remind me why you want me to do the spell?" he asked, looking suspiciously at the book in Lily's hands.

"The more the victim trusts the spell caster, the more successful and durable the spell is." Lily said absently, "Ah here it is." she put the book carefully down on the table and tapped it imperiously. "Now read it and learn it."

This time James did wrinkle his nose. Reading? Ugh…

…

Later that evening, Remus was still very confused and beginning to become just a little bit irritated. Why were all his friends suddenly acting like complete and utter lunatics? Lily had somehow convinced herself and James that he, Remus, was gay and now the two were _spending time_ together, plotting something horrible no doubt. And Sirius? Sirius was PMSing like a girl and he wouldn't tell Remus why.

If Remus was honest, that was the main reason he was lying on his bed, frowning at the ceiling. Sirius told him everything. Remus suspected that Sirius told him things that even James didn't know about. So what the hell was bothering Sirius now that was so awful that he couldn't tell Remus about? There was no way it could be worse than lycanthropy. Remus had no idea what he'd done to alienate Sirius like this and it was driving him crazy.

"Hey Remus!" Remus blinked and turned his head towards Lily's voice.

"What are you doing up here?" he asked, confused. He caught sight of James standing behind her looking guilty and apologetic. This did not bode well.

"Well…James has something he wants to say to you." Lily grabbed the hapless boy's arm and shoved unceremoniously in Remus' direction. Remus sat up slowly, eyes flicking between Lily's innocent smile and James' clear discomfort. Something was not right.

"What's going on?" he asked sharply, subtly moving away from the two of them. "If this has something to do with your ridiculous assumption that I'm-"

"Go on James." Lily interrupted. "Just do it."

"Do what?" Remus was now starting to consider just bolting. His eyes flicked to the doorway. He could probably reach it before they realised what had happened…He saw James grimace and move to raise his wand.

"What the hell?!"

"Mesmerus!" James yelled, a yellow bolt of light shooting out of his wand and hitting Remus straight in the chest.

There was a pause where Remus stared at the two people in front of him. Then Lily clapped her hands gleefully.

"It worked! Well done, James!" Her words made the guilty expression on James' face fade a little and he couldn't suppress a little smile. Lily praised him! She approved! "Now all you need to do is say the words and he'll obey!"

"Ah. Right. The words…Um…right. Okay." James looked back at Remus' face and cleared his throat. "You are gay. You are attracted to boys, not girls. When I repeat the incantation, you will wake up and you will be attracted to boys. Mesmerus!" James flicked his wand again and Remus blinked. Lily leant forwards eagerly.

"Remus? How are you feeling?" Remus looked at her for a second and then said in a cold tone,

"I am feeling very…very irritated. One might say almost angry." Lily's smile faded.

"What?" she asked, confused. "I don't-"

"A hypnotising spell?" Remus' face was clouded over with anger and his voice was quiet and icy. "To try and turn me gay? What in Merlin's name do you think you're playing at?"

"It didn't work?" James asked, bewildered. Remus sent him a glare just as Sirius opened the door. Remus' sensitive nose caught a faint smell of smoke, which didn't do anything to improve his mood.

"No, it didn't work. And you should know why, you stupid berk. I can only assume that Lily forced you into this since you can't seem to say no to any of her ridiculous ideas." James' mouth dropped open and Sirius looked nervously from one boy to the other.

"What's going on?" he asked, frowning and moving towards his bed, shrugging off his robes.

"You want to know?" Sirius looked alarmed at Remus' tone. Remus carried on, not moving his glare from James' face. "I'll tell you what's going on. These two idiots just tried to cast a hypnotising spell on me to try and convince me that I was gay."

Sirius froze, staring wide-eyed at him. It looked like he was in real danger of recalling the reddish-purple colour that he had been so fond of lately.

_Well of course it wouldn't work on Remus_, his dazed mind supplied, _He's a werewolf. Magical resistance to a lot of spells…_

"W-what?" his voice came out slightly shaky. He stared at James in horror, who twisted anxiously, caught between the fury of one friend and the betrayal of another.

"Lily…she said it would work!"

"Why didn't it work?" Lily asked, insistently. Remus twitched and said furiously.

"That is not the point! The point is, why the hell are you obsessed with turning me gay?"

"Well, I…" Lily glanced at Sirius, who tensed even further and sent James an agonised glance.

_I can't believe he told her…oh Merlin._

"Lily, if you don't come up with something pretty damn fast, I'm going to get even madder." Remus' voice was rising in volume now. "And it had better be a damn good excuse too."

Lily hesitated and then her shoulders set, clearly reaching a decision.

"Fine. I'll tell you."

"Lily-" James started, but Remus silenced him with one livid glance. Sirius stared pleadingly at him but James could only look back, his face full of helpless apologies.

_Someone stop her. For fuck's sake, you stupid bint, keep your mouth shut!_

"The reason we…I was trying to turn you gay was because someone likes you a lot and it's killing them. And I think you are gay and in denial and I just wanted to get you together!"

A ringing silence filled the room, the four figures frozen in position. Finally Remus cleared his throat.

"You…what?"

"I wanted to get you together." Lily said, turning slightly red. "Because everyone can see how much he likes you and it's driving him crazy. And…and we think you like him back but you won't admit it. Um…" James noticed uncomfortably that Sirius had gone deathly pale and was staring panicked from Remus to Lily and back to Remus again. In a minute he was going to do something stupid. This was spiralling out of control…

"Who…who likes me?" Remus asked, obviously still annoyed. "And…and I'm not gay! Is this that 'certain someone' you were talking about yesterday? Who is it?"

"I can't tell you!" Lily looked distressed. Clearly this was not going at all as she had planned. "Just…I mean, can't you tell? Can't you work it out?"

Sirius watched with total dread as Remus frowned, the cogs in his mind turning. He was going to figure it out. Why couldn't Lily have just kept her mouth shut? Finally Remus shook his head.

"Just tell me who it is!" he demanded angrily, "I have a right to know! You have to tell me!"

_Please stop it…_

"I can't, Remus!"

"Just tell me who it is!"

"Remus, please! Calm down!"

"Don't tell me to calm down! Who-"

"It's me!"

Remus' angry words died in his throat and he stared, completely gobsmacked, at Sirius' distraught face.

"What…?"

"It's me." Sirius said, trying desperately to ignore the fierce ache in his chest. "I…I like you and I told James and James told Lily and now she's being messing everything up and I'm really, really sorry, but I didn't know what to do and I didn't know this would happen and…and…and I'm sorry!"

James stepped forward to try and put his hand on Sirius' shoulder, but the other boy batted his hand away, shoulders shaking.

"I'm sorry!" he said again. "I just…I'm sorry."

He couldn't bring himself to look at Remus. He felt James trying to reach towards him again and repressed the urge to hit him. Instead, he strode towards the door and, once he was outside, ran as fast as he could away from the silent dorm room.

**Ramble Time:**** Right, I was having a complete mind-block so I just have to say a huge thank you to my amazing friend Jiggy for allowing me to press the switch of death which got rid of the wall so I could use the ladder of doom to dip from her idea bucket and helping me to figure out the flow of the rest of the story. And then school came along. My final exams are in May and work has just been…ew. So I grovel at the feet of my wonderful readers and apologise for the ridiculously long wait!! Love xxx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Same disclaimer as always!**

Remus stared at the spot where Sirius had been standing. He couldn't quite believe what he had just heard. Sirius? Gay? What?

"If this is a joke, it's not funny." he heard himself say. Sirius liked him?

"It's not a joke." James said, looking defeated. "Oh Merlin…I never should have gotten Lily involved. I have to go find him." He sent one last apologetic look towards Remus and took off after his best friend. At the very least he could stop Sirius from drowning himself in the lake.

"Look, it's not all my fault." Lily said irritably, "If Sirius had just told you in the first place then you would probably be together already." Remus' brain suddenly snapped into activity again.

"Are you kidding me?" he asked incredulously, "You're still convinced that I'm gay?"

"Well…yes." Lily said, surprised, "I mean…you two are perfect together."

"I can't believe you!" Remus said, his temper flaring for the second time. "When are you going to stop interfering? Do you have any idea how much you've hurt Sirius?"

"Hurt him?" Lily looked genuinely shocked, "But…but we wanted to help him!"

"You can't just turn someone gay, Lily! It doesn't work like that! I'm straight, and no hypnosis spell is going to change that! What would have happened when the spell wore off? Sirius would have been hurt even more! And now you just humiliated him! For Merlin's sake, Lily, I know you've got a brain so why don't you bloody use it!"

Lily's lip trembled and she actually looked hurt. But she clenched her fists and said stubbornly,

"I was just trying to help. It…it just went wrong."

"It would have gone wrong no matter what." Remus growled, sitting down on his bed. "Just go away, Lily."

"I really think-"

"I really don't care what you think." Remus said sharply. "I need…I need to take this all in. Go away." Lily pursed her lips but obliged. She was starting to think that maybe she should of listened to James…although she never thought she would say that. The guilt was starting to kick in and she couldn't help but remember Sirius' agonised expression when he'd run away.

…

Remus' anger drained away as soon as Lily left the room and his head dropped to rest in his hands.

Sirius was gay. Sirius had a crush on him. Sirius, the notorious flirt, heart breaker extraordinaire, had a crush on him, Remus, the boring, skinny werewolf.

Sirius, his best friend who had looked as though he was going to burst into tears.

_I have to go and find him. Where's the map?_

Remus stood abruptly and crossed over to James' trunk, rifling through the contents. He determinedly didn't think about what he was going to say to Sirius once he found him. His brain still hadn't quite caught up with what had happened and his hands moved automatically, focusing on the familiar task of finding the map. One step at a time.

He heard the door open and looked up sharply to see Peter's face poking round the door.

"Remus? Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Pete." Remus turned his face away and returned to the trunk. "Why do you ask?"

Peter edged into the room and stood, fidgeting with his sleeve.

"Well it's just that I saw Sirius run out looking…well I dunno, looking upset I guess. Then James ran out too. Then Lily came down and went off to whisper with her friends so…I thought something might have happened?" Remus noticed the question at the end of Peter's sentence and felt a small stab of guilt when he realised Peter was the only one who had no idea what was going on.

"Well…it's just…" Remus sighed and rubbed his eyes wearily. "Can I explain later Pete? Cause…well it's a bit confusing and I'm still taking it in myself."

"Sure." Peter said quietly, watching his friend scrabble in James' trunk. "What are you looking for?"

"The map. I need to find Sirius."

"Oh, James hid it under his pillow." Peter crossed the room and pulled out the elusive parchment. "I think he wanted to use it tonight for something."

"Cheers." Remus grabbed the map and tapped it. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." He scanned it quickly, finally locating Sirius in the school grounds, next to the lake. James was just leaving the Entrance Hall.

For a moment, Remus hesitated. Should he just let James comfort Sirius? After all, the last thing Sirius probably wanted to hear was Remus telling him yet again that he was straight.

_Just tell him you still want to be his friend. That you don't want to lose him. You can deal with this. Don't let this affect your friendship!_

Mind made up, Remus dropped the map on James' bed, snatched up his cloak and headed swiftly out of the room, calling good bye to Peter, who stood by the bed looking a little bit lost.

_Forget Peter for now. Just get to Sirius. I couldn't cope if he wasn't my friend anymore…_

…

Sirius lay under the willow tree, _their_ willow tree, panting from his run and staring up at the leaves. He had run all the way out to the grounds and collapsed under their tree, not even registering that he didn't have robes on and it was freezing.

_I can't believe it._

It was like something out of a nightmare. Only Sirius had never had nightmares about this because he had never even let himself think about Remus finding out. Remus was not supposed to find out. Ever. And yet thanks to that conniving little witch, Evans and her traitorous minion, Potter, Remus had found out.

The scene kept replaying itself through Sirius' mind, over and over again. He couldn't stop thinking about the look of total shock on Remus' face. He had officially ruined their friendship beyond repair. There was no way Remus was going to want to spend time with his faggot friend who wanted to jump on him every time he so much as smiled.

"Sirius!" He didn't raise his head. James leant against the tree, slightly out of breath. "Sirius?"

"What?"

"Um…I…" James looked uncomfortable and unbearably guilty.

_Good. Maybe next time he won't go blabbing my secrets every time Evans bats her eyelashes._

But Sirius couldn't even muster up the energy to be properly angry at James. He just turned his face away and closed his eyes.

"Sirius…I'm so sorry. I had no idea she would go that far! I just thought…well…"

"You always go along with everything she says." Sirius said calmly, not opening his eyes. "And anyway, it doesn't matter how far she went. You shouldn't have _told_ her in the first place."

"I didn't! She…she guessed." James said, sighing. "I mean…I suppose I didn't exactly correct her but…I'm sorry." He sat gingerly next to his friend, guilt still weighing down his stomach. Sirius let out a huff of air and opened his eyes.

"Don't worry. I'm not really angry at you. I'm just…" he trailed off, still staring resolutely at the leaves. There was a pause and James watched his friend worriedly.

"Sirius?"

"He hates me now." Sirius finally turned to look at James, who was horrified to see his best friend seemed to be struggling to hold back tears. "He hates me…I can't even be his _friend_ anymore."

"Rem doesn't hate you." James said automatically, shaking his head. "He was just surprised. He cares about you-"

"Stop saying that!" James blinked as Sirius sat up abruptly, clenching his fists. "Do you have any idea…he's never going to care about me the way I want him to! He's never going to care about me enough! So…so just…don't say that."

There was an awkward silence as James bit his lip, unsure what to do.

_I mean…what if Remus really does reject him? What if I tell him not to worry and get his hopes up and then Remus rejects him?_

A few weeks ago he would have laughed at anyone who suggested that Remus would ever stop being friends with one of their group. Remus was a Marauder. Marauders _always_ stick together. But then again, Marauders aren't supposed to fall in love with other Marauders. This whole situation was just…not supposed to happen.

"I'm sorry." James mumbled, and this time, he didn't just mean for getting Lily involved. Sirius glanced at him once then sighed.

"It's not your fault." he said sadly.

"I…I don't know what to say, Pads." James tugged awkwardly on his hair, still looking hopelessly at his best friend, "I mean…"

"Sirius!"

In any other situation, James would have laughed himself silly at the way Sirius' head shot up, eyes wide and mouth slightly open as he stared in horror at Remus' approaching figure. But clearly, now was not the time to laugh. Now was the time for James to jump to his feet and leave the two alone to talk this out. Especially since they had both clearly forgotten he was there.

"What…what are you doing here?" Sirius asked nervously, still staring at Remus, who had an extremely determined look on his face.

"I need to talk to you."

Yep. Definitely time to leave.

Remus noticed James sneaking off as subtly as he could, which was not very subtly at all, but he ignored him. His brain had suddenly gone blank and he found himself staring at Sirius' pale face with no sign of his usual eloquence.

"I…I mean…well…" Luckily Sirius spoke, interrupting his half-formed mumbling.

"It's okay, Remus. You don't have to tell me you're straight. I'm perfectly aware of that so…just don't worry." Sirius dropped his eyes to look at the ground and Remus felt his stomach lurch at his words.

"I'm sorry." He blurted out before he could think. Sirius looked at him slightly incredulously and he blushed, stumbling over his words. "I-I mean…I'm sorry I'm not…I can't…"

"I get it, Remus." Remus winced at the edge of bitterness in Sirius' voice. This was not going as he had hoped.

_Well how well did you expect it to go? Sirius was never going to respond well to you telling him yet again that he hasn't got a hope in hell._

"Look I just…" Remus took a deep breath and sat down next to Sirius, who watched him warily. "I just wanted to say that…that I wish I could return your feelings. I really do." Sirius looked away from him but Remus still caught the pain that flashed briefly across his face. His heart sank. Where had all his sensitive, caring words gone? Words had never failed him before!

"Rem, I _get_ it. I don't-"

"No, I'm not saying this right!" Remus shook his head angrily. "Sirius, I don't want to lose you as a friend. I don't want…this…to change things between us." He was genuinely shocked when Sirius laughed.

"You don't want it to change things?" Sirius sounded like he was on the verge of hysteria. "How can it not change things? It's already changed things! You don't even know how to talk to me anymore!" Remus winced sharply.

"That's not true…" but even he could hear how lame he sounded. Sirius snorted.

"Look, Rem, you'll never lose me as a friend. I'll always…care about you." Remus could feel a blush creeping up his cheeks and stared determinedly at the floor. He was far too much of a coward to meet Sirius' eyes and actually see the emotion he could hear in Sirius' voice.

"I…I wish I could feel the same way. I mean, I really do." He mumbled.

"Thanks." Sirius said shortly. "I appreciate the sentiment but forgive me if it isn't the greatest comfort to me at the moment." Inside, Remus cringed. Why had he suddenly turned into a fumbling idiot? He wasn't even this incompetent with girls.

_Because this is Sirius. This time it really, really matters._

"It'll get better." He said, forcing himself to look up, to meet Sirius' eyes. "I mean…I mean crushes fade right? And then…then we can go back to normal. Right?" Sirius stared at him for a while and Remus fought the urge to squirm under his gaze. Finally he looked away, sighing and resting his chin on his knees.

"Remus…I don't think it's just a crush."

The words were said quietly, but in the deathly silence that followed, they rang louder than church bells. Remus felt his throat dry up and his stomach turned to lead.

"O-oh…"

"Like I said, don't worry about it. I know you're not gay. Never have been, never will be. You like girls. Not boys. Girls."

"Sirius…"

"I said _don't worry_, Remus. Nothing's gonna happen. I know that." Remus' heart sank even further and settled down to join his stomach. He had never heard Sirius sound so…sad. Resigned.

For the first time in his life, Remus found himself wishing he was gay.

**Ramble Time:**** Ahem…hi? ^^;; I know it's been a very, very, very long time. Life just got in the way…as it has a terrible habit of doing. Trust me, I would be so much happier if I could just live in fanfiction world forever! But I'm getting back into the swing of writing so…hopefully the next chapter won't take so long! Love xxx**


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